Wednesday, 9 November 2016

How to Write Romance (When You've Never Been in a Romantic Relationship)

   I'll be honest with you; I've never been in any kind of romantic relationship. No kisses either, or hand holding on the beach, or passionate hugs, etc. (unless you count a skit of Sleeping Beauty where I got kissed on the cheek in Pre-School). I have no problem with this, but it has presented one particular challenge when it comes to writing.

   ...I write romance.


   My books aren't necessarily based on one romantic relationship, but each one has speckles of romance in it. So when I heard the advice "Write what you know" I sort of panicked. How could I write romance when I hadn't experienced it personally?

   If you're in a similar situation to me, don't worry. Think about it like this: Are you a fantasy writer? If yes, if you were following that tip, you wouldn't write about magic or well...anything at all really, would you? The point of that advice is to write about human emotions.

   Here are a few tips on how to write romance when you've never been in a romantic relationship yourself:

1) Read a LOT

   The majority of writers that write romance novels, or novels with romance, have dated, married, kissed, and so on. These experiences reflect in their writing--experiences that you can pick up on. The more you read, the more you can get a general knowledge of what a kiss is like, the pitfalls and highs of dating, and every aspect. It will also show what readers expect for how a couple develops over a story.

  BUT you need to remember that in stories romances can often be dramatized, which leads me to the next point...



2) Observe

   Some of my closest friends in real life have dated, and those relationships were far from easy. I've also seen multiple love triangles exist and complicate things. People all around you might be romantically involved, so talk with them. Ask them questions about how they were feeling at times like their first kiss (I've done this) or be there for them in hard times. This will build up your understanding of romance. Just make sure to be a friend first, and a writer second!

3) Write it as a Friendship

   In my opinion, a romantic relationship is a friendship taken to a more intimate level. You (hopefully) have friends, and so you know what friendship is. Why can't it start as that for your characters? I always try to make sure my potential couple could be friends and only that, before I plan all their romantic scenes. If they can be friends, then in my mind I believe that they could travel to the next level: a romantic relationship.



   Thank you for joining me for today's post! I hope this helped you with your writing. 

   A small announcement: I won't be able to post on Saturday due to a filming field trip where there won't be any internet, and my replies might be delayed. Thanks for understanding, and have a great week!


Do you struggle to write romance, or are you a pro at it? Have any of your characters ever surprised you with who they liked? What is your favourite book romance?

10 comments:

  1. Ooh, this is so true and helpful! And am I good at writing romance? haha. NO. I'm awful at it.😂 I've gotten to the point where I just want to write about maniacal dragons that show no love to none because romance is haaaaard. But I agree working with it from a friendship first angle is really powerful. And I never believe in the "only write what you know" thing or else I would write about a girl sitting on her laptop writing about a girl sitting on her laptop writing about a -- okay. So it's a cycle of doom.😂 I shall write about whatever I want. The Key is always: RESEARCH!!

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    1. I'm glad it was helpful Cait! XD Haha I can totally get why you would want to do that. I mean, writing romance is tricky enough, but trying to make your WIP's romance different from all your other books? That's hard. You're right; research is so important! Then you can say you technically 'know' the subject. :D Thanks so much for commenting! :)

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  2. Thanks for the post, Melissa! I too have never been in a romantic relationship yet in my writing are subplots about dating, relationships gone ary, cheating on someone, hard break ups, and many other things I have NO hands on experience in. XD
    You're totally on point with these tips. :)

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    1. You're very welcome Jeneca! I'm glad you think so. :) I too write so many things I have no experience with, which can be tricky, but with the right approach I think we'll be fine! Thanks so much for commenting! <3

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  3. great and interesting article :D Oh I really like this post :D I wonder how you often came up with interesting blog post :D keep up the good work :)

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    1. Thank you so much Hana! I'm super happy you enjoy my blog's content and this post. I usually write posts on what I'm writing or topics I'm thinking about at the moment. :) Thanks for commenting! <3

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  4. Awesome post, and you give good advice! :)
    Up until I met my boyfriend I hadn't been in a romantic relationship either, and I still wrote romantic scenes, so it can definitely be done! I especially think the friendship advice is good - I know my boyfriend is like my best friend, it's just on a slightly different level, so from my experience basing a romantic relationship between characters first on friendship is a great idea.

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    1. Thanks Laura! I'm glad someone with experience can confirm that my advice makes sense! XD I've heard from several other people that their significant other was also like their best friend, which I think is lovely. :) Thank you so much for commenting! <3

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  5. even with people in a romantic relationship, it is not so easy. Because real life is boring and fantasy is great! By the way I hopped here from Paper Fury

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    1. Haha that is very true! XD Sometimes I wish I could live in a fantasy world. Thanks for dropping by and for commenting Ailyn! XD

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