It feels like in just one day, my world has shifted. No sudden twist of fate has made me feel this way, but instead a slow, gradual turn that has all of a sudden changed everything. And I've hit the realization that there is no going back from this change, no shifting it back.
To fully understand what on the earth I'm talking about, there are two things you need to know.
The first is the devastating loss Thailand suffered on Thursday; we've lost a great and noble leader. If you haven't read about it on the news, go do so now, so you understand the country's situation. The King was ruling before I was born, far before, and though I never met him in person, the things he did for the Thai people and Thailand are awesome.
I may not be Thai by blood or birth, but Thailand is my home. Without him, we are on uncertain ground. I'm living in history, an event that others will look back on, and I'm terrified about what exactly they'll be looking at. Terrified my home will change and I can't do anything to stop it.
The second is I'm moving. Yesterday my family made this decision public, so I can finally tell all of you. We will be moving from Thailand to Sydney, Australia, in mid January for a variety of reasons. I've made my peace with this, though I know what a great loss it will be to lose such amazing friends, wonderful people, and a beautiful country. Again, I am more than terrified. What will it be like? Will I fit in? How do I try to rebuild everything I'm going to lose?
I feel like I'm waiting. Waiting for the move, waiting to see what happens in my country, waiting, waiting, waiting. I feel like I'm at one of those cross-roads, realizing that I can't go back to a few months, few years before, and hold onto that secure serenity.
As my world keeps shifting, I'm thinking and crying and praying. I know God has a reason for all of this, and I know feelings like these come into everyone's lives. I just pray that I come through it unscathed.
I'm sorry to burden you with all of this, but words are how I can express myself when talking can't. Thank you for being here with me, on this blog, reading my posts and being so supportive. You're amazing.